am i doing this properly?

life?

2005-05-01T03:54:00.000-07:00

i've been looking at this blog again, and i totally sound like some sad little loner with no friends and no life.

i do have friends. they're just all straight. not a single gay among them.

i feel like such a freak sometimes.

chicken

2005-04-29T10:51:00.000-07:00

i am such a coward. i rang the centre, and spoke to a guy there, who set up for me to meet one of their volunteers to go along to a girls only group.

i got dressed (not too dressed - its not a bar!), calmed myself down, and went.

and got as far as the bus stop, turned around acnd came home to ring them and cancel.

i suck. truly.

support systems

2005-04-22T03:48:00.000-07:00

i'm thinking about going to the local lgbt support place. their building isn't too far from here. i've been checking the website and they seem to have a lot going on - and they're for people right up to 25, so maybe i won't be the oldest one there.

late starter

2005-04-19T22:43:00.000-07:00

i am feeling old today - and at 23, i really shouldn't be. but it seems like all the other larner lesbians are about 16 or 17, and by the time they get to my age, they're all settled and comfortable. with themselves, i mean.

i would love to be comfortable with myself. jesus, its taken me the last four years to stop pretending to myself that i'm bi. i finally had to admit that, no, i don't like kissing boys. and i really don't like any of the other stuff with boys either.

the problem is, i've never actually kissed a girl yet. what if i don't like that either? what if i'm asexual. although i think my solo sex life pretty much rules out asexual.

how am i going to meet someone that won't be put off by a 23 year old lesbo virgin?

comments - again

2005-04-16T03:39:00.000-07:00

another thing i have seen is that no one really uses the blogger comments? why is this? they seem to work well when i'm leaving a comment - though i'm not sure what they're like for the person receiving the commenst.

what would be the best comments if i wanted to not use blogger?

freaking out

2005-04-14T05:06:00.000-07:00

i thought that doing this online was going to be so easy. it's surprisingly hard though. which is why i started this damn thing and then haven't written anything for two weeks.

i've also noticed that my layout is very plain. which makes it easy to read, but slightly dull. maybe i need to try and get some design practice and "pretty up" the place?

does it really matter what the blog looks like at all? or is it the content that people come to see? i definitely prefer the content aspect when i'm reading, but i also like the ones that look good too.

and how do i get people to read me? i'm reading them through blogexplosion. no one is reading me. or at least they're not commenting. that maybe a good thing though.

on some level, i think not having anyone read this except me gives me some control. it also means i can stay hidden away, and don't have to think about the fact that i'm into girls and not boys.

break out the champagne

2005-04-04T03:23:00.000-07:00

yes.

break out the champagne for i am throwing open the closet door and emerging as a flame haired lesbian goddess.

thats not strictly true, but i'm finally being true to myself and taking my first tentative steps into "out".

they're only online steps just now, because i'm hoping that it will be easier than in real life...